Couples Therapy
Understanding Couples Therapy
What is couples therapy? Before we talk about it, let’s talk about all the things that “couples therapy” could be called. “Marriage counseling,” “relationship counseling,” and “marriage and family therapy” are all terms that basically mean couples therapy. When we talk about couples therapy at reTHINK Therapy, we are simply talking about two people in a relationship (whether that relationship is fantastic or struggling) who want the help of a therapist. When looking for couples therapy, the most important question is if the therapist specializes in working with couples.
Goals of Couples Therapy
The primary goal of couples therapy is to assist couples in enhancing their relationship by identifying and resolving specific issues that may be causing tension or distance. There are so many reasons why a couple would decide to come to therapy. The reality is that no two couples are the same or struggle with the same set of issues! That said, let’s go over some common concerns that might be going on within your relationship that could be addressed in couples therapy: communication problems, unresolved conflicts, emotional disconnection, differences in values or life goals, and past hurts that have not been fully healed. When in couples therapy, your therapist will work to facilitate conversations between you and your partner or spouse, offering a neutral space where both individuals can express their feelings and be heard.
It cannot be understated how vital a neutral space is in couples therapy! But what exactly is a neutral space anyway? Is that a space where you are not going to get into a disagreement? Unfortunately…no, in neutral spaces, there will be disagreements and therapists that challenge one or both partners. However, in a neutral space, you can expect your therapist to not “pick sides” or “gang up” on one partner or another. A neutral space is intended to allow both members of the couple to gain a deeper understanding of each other’s perspectives and needs. This is absolutely crucial if the couple is ultimately working towards strengthening their relationship!
Ways Therapy Helps Couples
Couples therapy offers a TON of benefits that can help and ultimately save a relationship. Let’s talk about four key ways couples therapy can help. Note to the reader: this is not an exhaustive list but is, in fact, the “biggies.”
- Improving Communication Skills: Couple therapy teaches basic to advanced communication skills and the different communication styles that all people naturally possess. Fun factoid: You might be a good communicator with *most* people, but your partner or spouse just has a communication style you’ve never been exposed to, and therefore you aren’t well-versed in it yet!
- Resolving Conflicts Constructively: In couples therapy, your therapist will teach and guide you and your partner or spouse to address conflicts in a way that promotes resolution rather than escalation. Sometimes, the changes needed in this department are minor but make a big difference. For example, not rolling one’s eyes or leaving the room when the other person presents an unlikeable topic…if you know, you know!
- Exploring Underlying Relationship Dynamics: Most often, issues within a couple stem from deeper issues that one or both members of the couple haven’t been able to fully resolve before starting the relationship. Trust issues, poor communication skills, and broken relationships can all be childhood experiences that follow us into adulthood and ultimately affect romantic relationships and marriages.
- Rebuilding Trust and Improving Connection: This is the million-dollar goal here! Everyone wants a trusting relationship with great communication. Just as most people who walk into individual therapy want to be happy. The reality here is that you will not rebuild trust or improve communication in any singular couples session. BUT (don’t leave me yet) the byproduct of ALL of your work in and out of couples sessions can absolutely lead to this outcome!
Couples Therapy at reTHINK Therapy
At Rethink Therapy, we are dedicated to helping couples build stronger, more satisfying relationships. We truly believe that most marriages can be saved and strengthened! When therapy works and skills are learned, separation or divorce is the exception, not the norm. And if separation or divorce does happen, we at reTHINK Therapy aim to assist the couple in making that as civil as possible.
With all that said, you can expect these three elements to be part of your couples therapy journey here at reTHINK Therapy:
- Conducting a Thorough Evaluation: We begin by assessing the relationship as a whole, taking into account the perspectives of both partners to understand the “big picture.” This will assist your therapist in customizing your treatment approach pointing out patterns, noticing strengths, and assisting with weaknesses.
- Remaining Neutral: As outlined above, neutrality is important in couples counseling. Our therapists are committed to remaining neutral. While you can expect your therapist to point out unhealthy or destructive patterns, our therapist will never “pick sides.”
- Addressing Individual Concerns: Your therapist will assess if past trauma or individual hang-ups are impacting your relationship. Your therapist may give you a recommendation for individual therapy or may work with you in the couples session on individual issues that are impacting the relationship. Typically, if one individual’s concerns take up a large portion of the session – your therapist will schedule an individual session with you or will provide you with a referral for an individual therapist.
At reTHINK Therapy, we value your time. We want you to get THE MOST out of your couples counseling session. We have a few tips that we recommend for those getting ready to start couple therapy sessions that will truly help you get the most bang for your buck.
- Actively listen and be open about your needs and feelings during therapy sessions. Let me say this another way…be ready to listen to things you don’t like hearing. But don’t worry if you flip your lid – your therapist will walk you through the moment!
- Be prepared to identify patterns that lead to arguments and develop healthier ways of addressing disagreements. Almost every couple has a pattern of dysfunction. If you can identify it, you can get ahead of the problem!
- Stay vulnerable, empathetic, and maintain emotional support to deepen intimacy. This is probably the hardest one, particularly if there is damage in the relationship. It’s hard to be vulnerable with someone that you are mad at, but it’s a crucial part of healing. Your therapist will carefully walk you through exploring vulnerability and empathy with your spouse or partner.
- Practice the taught practical tools for addressing issues in your relationship. Some sessions will be all about the tools and practical changes, while others will be more about reflection. But you can expect some education that will assist you in your healing journey in your marriage or relationship.
- Attend individual counseling when needed to address personal challenges impacting the relationship. As stated before, individual counseling is sometimes need to assist with couples counseling being more effective! Fun fact – when the two are done together research show there are the best long term marriage outcomes!
Couples therapy is an extremely valuable resourse for couples who are struggling. If you have been struggling with an issue for longer than one month and cannot find a resolution, we would encourage you to get started with couples thearpy. With couples therapy, the sooner you come in, the better! The longer you wait, the more damage can occur. That said, if you have significant damage in your relationship, it is never too late to start! You can heal from damage, learn new skills, and have the relationship or marriage you have always desired.