Will your coping skills last the test of time?
Wouldn’t it be great if we could open this by telling you a “one-size-fits-all” coping skill that is perfect for every scenario. A single skill that works for every person and every situation, unfortunately – we are therapists… not magicians! Like most things in life – coping skills aren’t black and white, but rather grey. They are fluid and what works for someone else may not mean that it’s the right coping skill for you. Every individual, personality type, and situation calls for different coping skills that are appropriate for you and your needs.
Then there is the issue that sometimes your coping skills will work for a time and then just simply not work anymore. Often this is because your coping skill was developed during a season of your life that no longer translates into your current situation. For example: depending on a parent to help you calm down – it just isn’t always appropriate as we grow. Calling your mom to talk you down in the midst of a workplace conflict just isn’t the right coping skill for this stage of life anymore!
It is absolutely normal and healthy for there to be an evolution of coping skills throughout your life. The problem arises when you continue to find yourself in a cycle where none of your resources are working for you.
So… what is a good coping skill?
We believe that there are three factors that influence coping skills that can last the test of time: your level of insight, your ability to adapt, and your belief system. Let’s take a closer look at each!
- Your Level of Insight
Do you truly understand the area that you are struggling with? Do you know and understand how the struggle started and why you’re continuing to struggle? If you answered no to either of the questions above, odds are that what you are currently using as a coping skill will only be a temporary fix.
When you are unable to identify the root cause of any issue, the coping skill that you utilize will simply be acting as a metaphorical bandaid. It makes you feel better for a moment… maybe even forget that there is a cut under there, but the wound is still open – and possibly festering!
Once you are able to fully understand what you are facing and why you are facing it, you will be able to find a coping skill with long term sustainability.
- Your Ability to Adapt
When we are healthy, we are created to continue to grow and adapt throughout our lifetime. Things aren’t stagnant – they also aren’t always black and white. When we are unable to continue to adapt throughout our life, it can actually cause larger problems than the one that we were currently facing.
Your ability to adapt throughout your life is imperative to your growth and wellbeing. Imagine trying to sqqquuuueeezzzeee into a pair of shoes that you had when you were 6. Just doesn’t work anymore! And that’s OKAY! What isn’t okay is when you continue to believe that your teeny tiny shoes are the only ones that work for you.
Adaptability is a skill that we must learn and continue to use when searching for sustainable coping mechanisms.
- Your Belief System
Your belief system ultimately determines everything that you do – including the coping skills that you naturally choose. When we are unaware of what our belief system is, we are likely to arbitrarily choose the first thing that we believe will make us feel better. And oftentimes, they aren’t the right choice and they don’t stick!
Without a healthy belief system – you are also likely to have negative beliefs about what is true about you, your life, and your environment. This can cause monumental harm when you are looking to find healthy coping mechanisms to help you in not only in your stressful situations, but also in your daily life.
Having an accurate belief system is something that will greatly affect your choices of coping skills and whether or not they are a long term fit for you.
At reTHINK Therapy – we are passionate about helping you uncover and replace negative thoughts with truth that leads to sustainable change. We want to help you understand the reality of where you are and to help you build a belief system that is true! Accomplishing these things aren’t always easy – and it is helpful to have someone who is removed from the situation to help you get a broader picture. We are here to help and want to help show you how to stop surviving and start living. Click here to schedule a session with one of our therapists!