With the topic of anxiety becoming more normalized, the term can frequently be misinterpreted to describe any negative emotions or feelings of uncomfortableness in a situation. In part that is true, but everyone feels anxious in certain situations. Anxiety is just as normal as happiness or anger! Each day we make 35,000 choices, both big and small- it’s no wonder we all experience some levels of anxiety. But how much is too much? When should you consider seeking our professional help? Let’s talk about when anxiety becomes unhealthy and the behaviors that contribute to anxiety!
First – let’s look at what anxiety is, and when does it become unhealthy for us?
The American Psychological Association defines anxiety as, “an emotion characterized by apprehension and somatic symptoms of tension in which an individual anticipates impending danger, catastrophe, or misfortune.” For those of us who aren’t therapists let’s break down that definition. Anxiety is the involuntary feeling of being on edge, tense, or fearful. But – anxiety isn’t always the “bad guy.” It is our bodies’ way of informing us that there might be danger ahead, a reminder to approach the situation cautiously. For example: feeling anxious when walking near the edge of a cliff alerts us to move to a safer location, and being nervous before a test can help us stay focused to perform better. Anxiety can be a helpful tool, but when our anxiety begins to prevent us from performing ordinary tasks – such as not going hiking for fear of walking off a cliff, or failing a test because you were too nervous to read the questions … It has exceeded the level of what is normal and healthy.
The most common sources of unhealthy anxiety we see in our practice are:
- Living Unintentionally. This means living life without any rhyme or reason for doing the things that we do – ie a life without purpose. An example is pouring a significant amount of time into a hobby or job that in the end, produces no real outcome or an outcome that is not in alignment with your belief system. When we start to reflect on our lives and feel that our work is meaningless and time is being wasted, it can leave us feeling overwhelmed, worried, and worn out. What are you spending your time and energy on? Are they things that align with your beliefs and passions?
- Lack of Coping Skills. Healthy and sustainable coping skills are so important in managing our anxiety! Not having healthy coping skills or having unhealthy coping skills leaves us unsure of how to deal with life’s struggles. Instead of finding comfort in healthy practices, we are left to look for comfort in unfulfilling and temporary solutions. Unhealthy coping mechanisms often do more harm than good and create habits that take time and hard work to correct. Are you coping in a way that is sustainable?
- Avoidance. We’ve all heard the phrase, “You can’t run away from your problems”, but anxiety will certainly make us try! Avoiding tasks, emotions, and situations that make us uncomfortable or stressed is one example of an unsustainable coping strategy. We like to compare avoidance with throwing away trash. Weird example but let us explain! You can throw away several pieces of trash in the trashcan and it’s fine. However, eventually you will have to deal with it – when left too long it starts to stink! If you keep throwing trash into the same trashcan, it’s bound to overflow. If you wait to take out the trash until your trashcan is about to overflow, you risk the trash bag tearing on the way to the dumpster. Are you seeing a pattern? Avoidance generally causes us more trouble in the end! Avoiding uncomfortable situations and/or emotions often creates bigger problems that will be even harder to deal with than the original issue was! Are you finding yourself avoiding situations or feelings rather than facing them head on?
- Comparisons. Have you ever caught yourself looking at someone else’s achievements and thought, “That’s what my life should look like too. Why am I not there!” I know that I have! It’s great to have goals, dreams, and aspirations, but sometimes we create internal deadlines and rigid expectations that only leave us hurt when we are unable to meet them. Life is a journey that looks different for each and every one of us. What is good and right for one person is not always good and right for another, no matter how much we want it to be. Your story is uniquely, beautiful your’s and your successes are worth celebrating – even if they look different or happen later than someone else’s!
- No Community. We cannot stress enough how important living in community is! With the rise of the internet and social media, we often think we are more connected to each other than ever before, but it’s actually quite the opposite. Living in community means walking alongside someone through the various seasons of life, while sharing encouragement, wisdom, and support for one another. Not having this can make us feel isolated – like we’re the only ones struggling. When actually there are so many people who have been through the same struggles we have and can offer advice and guidance. The internet may increase the amount of connections we have, but how many of those connections are deep, meaningful relationships?
Dealing with unhealthy anxiety can feel overwhelming but there is no reason to struggle alone. Our professional therapists can guide you through finding healthy solutions for each of the five most common causes of anxiety. Making changes in these areas is a great start in creating a more healthy relationship with anxiety. If you feel like you need help working on these areas, or are struggling with unhealthy anxiety, we’d love to help! Click here to schedule with one of our therapists!